Sunday, June 26, 2011

10 Creepy WTF-Enducing Commercials

I'm of the belief that, for the most part, advertising has gotten insane lately. Commercials become weirder and have less and less to do with their products, anti-drug PSAs are so damn weird that they -had- to have been on drugs to have even made them, and in general it just seems like a lot of marketing groups have no idea what they're doing anymore. Sometimes this works out, because a commercial becomes so weird people talk about it. Sometimes it doesn't, because we only talk about the commercial and nobody has a fucking clue what it was selling.

#10 : Protect the environment, or we'll blow you up!

Okay, I'm used to environmental ads being either insane or offensive. Not to say that I'm against the -message- they mean to convey, but let's face it, a lot of these groups just end up painting a negative view of causes.
This though... just... what?
I... seriously have no idea what to say, ad. Seriously. I don't know how any of that seemed like a good idea for a PSA.

I was actually split between that ad and one Greenpeace did, but I think this one bothers me more. Still, here's the other ad that tied for #10, I'd like to hear others' thoughts on this.

One just really has to question the thought process behind ads like these. Was someone in marketing eating a kit-kat and decided "Hey, these are kinda like fingers. I could work with that."

#9 : Orville Redenbacher will swallow your soul

I've thrown around the term uncanny valley a lot in my time, but I firmly believe this is easily one of the best examples of the effect. Ever.
I've never been so scared by someone in a fucking bow-tie. The dead, soulless eyes, the awkward, jerky movement, the mouth... Jesus Christ. Orville Redenbacher should not be that frightening.
The worst part is that, in all honesty, OR's my favorite popcorn. I've got a box here and I can't look Orville in the face anymore without thinking back to this damn ad. I feel like Chuckie from Rugrats and his fear of the Quaker Oats guy.

#8: Lamisil wants you to feel uncomfortable

It took so much restraint to not make this #1. I accept this is probably just me but... this is an ad I can't even look at. Seriously. That... thing lifting someone's toenail and going under it. That pushes way too many buttons for me, I feel so damn uncomfortable and creeped out looking at it. It's worse than that scene in Zombi 2 where a chick gets a splinter through the eye.

#7: Australia is Hell

This is part of a larger campaign, but sadly most of the videos I can find of them have embedding disabeled. I don't really get why any dickwad would disable embedding, nor do I ever want to work in Australia after seeing these ads.
Each one starts the same way. Just normal people, doing normal jobs... then suddenly something horrible happens and at least one person is horrifically injured in an unpredictable way. People being sliced up by glass, a nailgun somehow firing a nail out back which goes through some guy's eye, skin being melted off by boiling water/grease... it's insane.

#6 : If you weren't afraid of bears, you are now.

Yes. Smokey the Bear skinned a woman and wore her like a suit, like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. Just remember that next time he tries to tell you about forest fires.
Maybe he's just worried that, without thick forests, he'll have to seek alternative places to dump the skinned corpses of his many victims? Surely Smokey could just move to Florida, buy a boat, and start dumping his bodies in the water?

#5: G4 has little to do with gaming but a lot to do with nightmare fuel

I really, really don't get the point of these. Midnight Spank was basically a block from back before G4TechTV sucked, and had some Japanese shows, a show dedicated to weird cinematics, etc. It was a fun block, but it wasn't the nightmare fuel you'd expect from these commercials.

#4: When PSAs out Final Destination Final Destination 2

First off, my apologies to anyone that couldn't sit through that. I myself was honestly shocked the first time I saw it. I mean I'm used to PSAs going to extremes to scare people out of doing things, but this is just... wow. Seriously.
I hope that whoever is responsible for this ad got fired, I really do.
Also I want to bring up something: Despite the emphasis being on the texters being in the wrong, I want to point out that the family car had ample opportunity to stop or slow down, and they didn't.

#3: Nokia presents Zalgo

Because nothing makes people want to buy cellphones like horrible reality breaking demonic things. I mean come on, The Ring was obviously just a two hour long commercial for CRT TVs after all. "Our TVs unleash evil little girls, do yours?"
On top of that, even before Zalgo there, we get a look at what is supposed to be I guess cellphone market research, only it looks more like a confession sequence from some crime movie. You're not exactly painting your company in a good light, Nokia.

#2: K-Fee hates you, and so do your friends.

If you've never seen one of those before, well. I'm sorry. If you have, no doubt you were linked to them by someone talking about how relaxing they were, or how calming they were.
I've gotta say, unlike most of the ads I've talked about, this one is at least fitting. It's an energy drink of sorts, and you certainly feel a bit pumped after seeing one of these the first time.

#1: Sloche gives everyone Coulrophobia



Seriously what the fuck?

Jesus Christ! What the fuck am I watching? Is this some weird clown version of Hostel or something?
Sloche is a Canadian slushee company based in Quebec, and that answers absolutely no question I have about this. Seriousy... -what-. -What-.

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